Sexual abuse is not a demonstration of love! It comes from a sick and warped mindset. Unfortunately it contaminates the idea of love for the victims. As I see it, when my boundaries were violated, I lost trust and I lost my boundaries. I could no longer trust that I would be safe. As I grew older my ideas about sex were contaminated by the only experiences I had which could be seen as sexual. It created a fear in me about sex. Since I have never been married it’s not really an issue. But in reality it is. It is an area of my life that is not fully healed. I have had a lot of healing and probably wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for finding my church. There are a lot people there who listened to God and put their time into ministering to me. For this I am immensely grateful. I know there is more healing to come.
God loves me. That’s why He has seen fit to heal me. When I am lonely I can sit in my comfy chair and close my eyes and focus on Him. Sometimes I’ll wrap myself up in a blanket and visualize Him holding me. The hurt child in me responds to that. I grow stronger because He gives me strength. Sometimes that is the only time I relax. I can’t reject love because I would be rejecting the healing that comes from a relationship with God and others for that matter.
His love is a part of me even more than my heart is. A heart can be replaced the love of Jesus in me cannot.